Poliblog Perspective

Introduction

This is the first of two posts posts showing how I try and apply headings on the Wardman Wire. The first post is “pre-edited”. The second is “post-edited”. I have used the trial run of Sadie Smith’s Westminster Watch column for this demonstration.

There are only a few guidelines I give to people writing for the blog, and I try to keep editing as light as possible:

• Nothing actionable (i.e., don’t get me sued).
• Write as if for an intelligent tabloid publication or at the level of the Economist.
• Unless there is a good reason not to do so, use regular Subheads such that they convey the sense and flow of your argument or article. A good test is to delete the text, and see if the headings and subheadnings still give the gist of the article.

The Report Before Editing

This first post includes the “raw” report, before editing.

Westminster Watch 25/2 - 3/3

Summary

It’s been a week of contrasts and thinly veiled class warfare here at Westminster. Revelations in last week’s Sundays that Commons Speaker Michael Martin had snaffled a cool £17,000 of expenses last year to pay a mortgage on a house he already owns has divided opinion amongst MPs, the press, and bloggers alike. In the red corner the Martin cheerleaders are muttering how this is all an eeeevil campaign perpetrated by a bunch of Eton hoorays in the media and in Parliament who want to remind the proletariat of their place; in the blue corner his detractors are trumpeting that this is an outrageous misuse of public funds for which he should resign (even if he weren’t a bit crap). Meanwhile, at least one potential contender for the Speaker post - should Martin, entirely by his own choice you understand, fall on his sword - has been practising his Elder Statesman routine in front of anyone who can’t manage to run away fast enough. In other news: the bowel-clenching tedium of the debate on the Lisbon Treaty was unexpectedly enlivened by some we-shall-not-be-moved action from the Liberal Democrats, a protest on the roof of the Commons led to the arrest of a Parliamentary bag-carrier, and the Gord got down wiv da kidz at the Labour Party’s Spring Conference in Birmingham. Wicked, innit?

The Full Report

The sound of knitting needles being clacked around the guillotine (or “Speaker’s Chair” as it sometimes known) were audible even as the MPs left their constituencies to return to Parliament on Monday. Michael Granatt, an aide to the Speaker, dramatically resigned over the weekend owing to his guilt at unwittingly misleading the ladies and gentlemen of the fourth estate. Shame! Apparently, Mr Grannatt had briefed that Mrs Martin had been accompanied on shopping trips (£4,000 worth of taxi bills courtesy of the taxpayer) by an approved flunky but actually she’d taken a housekeeper. I reckon that this distinction is undoubtedly important, but can’t for the life of me work out why. Anyhoo, probably far more damaging is the allegation that he’s claimed seventeen grand in expenses for a mortgage on a house that, er, owns. Double nice-work-if-you-can-fleece-it thumbs up: that’s more than I used to take home in a year!

Labour bloggers were quick to point out that - bizarrely - the mortgage claim wasn’t actually against the rules, a point that was observed with a particularly fish-like eye by their Conservative counterparts, with the curious exception of Matthew Parris. Nevertheless, the received wisdom here is that the Tories would be mad to pressurise Martin into a resignation before the next election, thus uniting the comrades against them, and risk having another Labour Speaker returned. No, far better to wait until the Conservatives have a few more bums on green seats and a decent chance of getting one of their own in the Nice Chair after (the theory goes) the current Speaker gracefully resigns and is booted upstairs: Lord Martin of Kamikaze, as Sir Humphrey Appleby nearly said in a different context.

So much for that. Meanwhile, roars of outrage were shaking the tea rooms in response to an interview with Harriet Harman in the Independent in which she referred to Fidel Castro as a “hero of the left.” Nice one Harriet!

As MPs settled down for day four thousand of discussions on the Lisbon Treaty (I jest, but seriously it feels like it), eyebrows were raised at the suspiciously high turnout on the Liberal Democrat benches. The reason behind the Liberals abandoning their muesli knitting for the Chamber soon became apparent. Ed Davey, with a simulated rage usually not seen outside a particularly bad episode of Hollyoaks, got all Incredible Hulk on Parliament’s ass at the news that a Liberal Democrat amendment entitled “We Want A Referendum On Whether We Should Be In The European Union At All And Let’s Nuke The French” hadn’t been selected. The Deputy Speaker became increasingly irritated as Davey bobbed up and down like a string puppet on crack to moan that it, like, was soooooo unfair. The rather odd episode concluded with Davey going “grrr, smash” and leading half the Liberal Democrats out of the Chamber in protest. As a bid to attract press coverage, I’ve seen madder but unfortunately for Wee Nicky Clegg’s courageous band it backfired somewhat as even the Spectator Coffeehouse agreed that Michael Martin was right to exclude the amendment.

On Wednesday all would-be Swampys learned a valuable lesson about news management: never inconvenience the media if you want a decent headline. The pressure group Plane Stupid had managed to ascend the Commons roof and had unfurled banners warning that the increase in the lower orders going on holiday in the summer was ruining the planet, mmmkay? Most unfortunately for the protesters (who counted amongst their number a Baronet’s granddaughter and an MP’s grandson) their banners obscured the windows of the press gallery, leading to much grumbling and general misanthropy from those brave seekers after truth. A Parliamentary bag-carrier was subsequently arrested on suspicion of helping the protesters breach security. There’s always one who ruins it for the rest of us, eh?

At Prime Minister’s Questions, Cameron pursued a rather curious line of questioning about televised debates and MPs expenses which didn’t make much sense to anyone, but apparently it’s all part of a Tory Grand Plan to hunker down with the common man who is revolted at all the snouts-in-the-trough stories of recent weeks. Did it work? Nah: even Iain Dale agreed that this tactic is hardly likely to win a “They Talk About Nothing Else On The Streets Of Wolverhampton” award. Nevertheless, in response to a question from John Baron MP about whether Fidel Castro was a “hero of the left” (in the words of la Harperson) the Gord was able to make it clear that he wasn’t a fan, regardless of what his somewhat hapless deputy might think.

It hasn’t been all plain sailing for the Boy Cameron, however, as the fallout from Conservative peer Lord Mancroft’s statement that most NHS nurses only break off swigging white spirit to wee all over defenceless bed-ridden pensioners (”grubby, drunken, and promiscuous” is what he actually said) caused embarrassment for the Tory leader. Still, the Sunday Times has a piece on how nurses do sometimes sleep with their patients, leading me to wonder where I am when all the best research projects are handed out.

After all the excitement of Wednesday, Business Questions on Thursday would have been a bit of a damp squib had it not been for a crafty swipe by John Bercow MP at the Speaker. Classy work, John.

The House wasn’t sitting on Friday, which allowed various Labour MPs and activists - displaying varying degrees of distemper - to wend their way to Birmingham for the party’s Spring Conference (or “Pravda” as it is sometimes known). The, uh, highlight of the weekend was Brown’s speech yesterday in which he smiled, walked, talked and told us that He Believed That Children Are Our Future.

Indeed Gord, indeed. Teach them well and let them lead the way, says I.

Tags: westminster watch, sadie smith, michael martin, mr speaker[tags]westminster watch, sadie smith, michael martin, mr speaker[/tags]

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